How to Build Confidence (Part One)

November 23, 2020

Stop Insulting Yourself

I don't care if it's over text, in person, or in your own head - stop it. You deserve better. Notice your train of thought.

What's the first thing you say to yourself when you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, or do something wrong? Genuinely notice because constantly having a conscious stream of insults swirling around in your head can be detrimental to your self-esteem.

Insulting yourself is a habit. It has become ingrained in our society as borderline acceptable and even expected. I'm here to tell you it's not a humble attribute and it is actually quite uncomfortable and sometimes infuriating to listen to. When your friend, who you think the world of, insults themselves - what do you think? What do you do? What can you even say? In your head you don't know how they could possibly view themselves that way and here you are genuinely insecure and your friend is insulting themselves. What do they think of me then? Next time you insult yourself - remember that. Realise someone might be thinking the same thing about you and then doubting themselves. 
Remember that is can genuinely hurt those that care about you to know you don't see yourself the way they do.
If you catch yourself wanting to say an insult about yourself in person or over text physically stop yourself and hold yourself back.
You show others kindness, give others compliments, and support people's dreams - it is time for you to do that for yourself.

Realistic Positives

Now for something that's a bit harder and takes more practice. Switching your thoughts from "I'm an ugly b*itch" to "I'm a f*cking queen" technically isn't the best way to go about gaining confidence. If you can go from truly thinking you're ugly to a beautiful queen - I'm impressed and please teach me. If you are like I was - you won't believe that so what I want you to do is work your way up to that level by starting off with something you will believe.

I said to notice your train of thought earlier. The things that have become like white noise in your head when you think about yourself. Here are some examples.

"I'm fat" --> "I'm not where I want to be right now and that is okay *take a deep breath* what am I appreciative for right now that my body has done for me today?"

"I'm so stupid, I never to anything right. Wow I'm an idiot." --> "I'm not stupid, I made a mistake. I'm not perfect - no one is. How am I going to fix this? Is it funny? Can I laugh about this? If not let's make a plan."

Genuinely take time to switch them. The more you do it - the faster and easier it will become. It takes 21 days to build a habit. Even write down your top recurring thoughts (or write ones you notice down in your phone) and switch them on paper or in your notes app.

Accept the Compliment

For the love of God. Please take the compliment. Please let me tell you how amazing I think you are. How much I like your shirt, shoes, personality, eyes, or presence. Life isn't about external validation but oh my gosh does it make you feel good if you let it.

I'm going to let you in on a secret: Complimenting someone sometimes does more for me sometimes than the other person. When someone gets excited about the compliment and gives me a backstory to where they got the ring on their finger I love or tells me the meaning behind the words of their tattoo it brightens my day to an unbelievable extent.

Who are you to take that happiness away from me or the person complimenting you?

I genuinely understand it can be hard. I still have a hard time accepting certain compliments but I just try to genuinely make sure people know I appreciate them. They took the time out of their day to say something nice to me, I'm not going to let them regret that decision or make them feel awkward about it. They gave me a verbal gift.